Who Is Michele Bachmann, And Why Should You Be Afraid Of Her?

            Since the first Republican presidential debate was held, the race has quickly boiled down to a few chosen favorites to take on the task of making Barack Obama a one term president. Romney still stands as the clear cut favorite, a charismatic friend of big business who knows how to smile for the camera. But surprisingly other major candidates have seemingly fallen flat. The last anyone heard of Tim Pawlenty was after he was declared the loser of the second Republican debate. Tail between his legs and shoulders hunched, Pawlenty seems to have crawled back into the dog house reserved for likes of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson: outcasts and freaks of the GOP. And Gingrich is cursed to be Gingrich – he’s been dead in the water for years now.

            Yet the most debilitating and reprehensible aspect of the second debate was that Michele Bachmann – the crusading calumniator who lacks any sense of American history – was declared the winner. Bachmann represents a large step backwards in American politics. She is a lunatic who believes that God handpicked her to be President of the United States. She is the face and voice of the Tea Party, while in her mind she is the right hand of God here to smite the sinners (liberals, gays and conscientious objectors) off the face of the planet.

            At face value, Michele Bachmann is a nincompoop who says whatever comes into her head and has never once even considered using a fact checker. But when one digs deeper into the heart of darkness that is the Bachmann America, one discovers something much more terrifying. When you look hard into the eye of that storm, you find something that is inherently racist and narcissistic, something that is both stupid and wrong, and something that gaining ground. The Bachmann train is a well calculated movement that eats the hearts of many, and shits on the foolish that stand against it. Not with facts, but with undeserving support and an unwarranted sense of accomplishment.

            Say what you want about the similarities between Bachmann and Sarah Palin, but there are key differences. Sarah Palin may be nuts, but Michele Bachmann is crazy. Palin likes to be known; it is doubtful that she really wants to be president, because she knows better than anyone that history would not be friendly on President Palin. She likes the money and the fame, but nothing else. Bachmann, on the other hand, believes with all her heart that she is supposed to be president, and will stop at nothing to reach that goal. And what’s worse is that people are eating this up. Those stupid enough to believe that Bachmann is a modern day prophet and weapon of God will go to hell and back just to see Bachmann make waves. And that is very scary.

            Bachmann is something new to American politics. Never before has someone so hysterically unqualified been pushed to such a national level that it makes the rest of us uncomfortable and legitimately afraid of the reality of a World War III. She would be the first president since Truman who wouldn’t have to think twice or bat an eye at dropping a nuclear bomb somewhere in the world, just to kill people who she doesn’t understand. After all, she answers to a higher power than we do, one that doesn’t approve of turbans or burqas.

            On a domestic level, Bachmann’s “politics” make little to no sense. She thinks that by destroying minimum wage, more jobs would be created. She believes that carbon dioxide is harmless. To her, the American Revolution started in New Hampshire, not Massachusetts (I guess historians meant the other Lexington and Concord). She believes that many Nobel Prize winning scientists believe in intelligent design. She refuses to fill out the 2010 census forms for her and her family. She believes the swine flu only comes out during the terms of Democratic presidents (Carter and Obama). For her, climate change is a laughable hoax. She believes there is some kind of dark and evil homosexual conspiracy out to get her (perhaps with Illuminati overtones?). She claims that Terry Schiavo was perfectly healthy when they pulled the plug on her. But at the bottom of everything, Michele Bachmann somehow thinks that either the gays or the blacks are the ones to blame in today’s America.

            Looking at her long list of character defects and simpleton expressions, it’s hard to see exactly how Michele Bachmann got to be so important that many will sacrifice their souls to vote for her on Election Day. Yet that is exactly what has happened. She has conned the American people into thinking they are in danger of a black extremist who will put together an army of terrorists, gays, socialists, communists, Marxists, Muslims, rapists and murderers who will come to their houses in the middle of the night to get retribution for crimes they have not committed. This is the America that Michele Bachmann represents. A nation of three hundred million lost souls who will do whatever it takes to get a better spot in heaven, even if that means damning their friends and neighbors to hell. The horror, the horror. 

How Stupidity Ruined Anthony Weiner

            Anthony Weiner, the congressman who sent photos of his junk to any woman who cared to look, has announced that he will step down. Regardless of his actions, Weiner’s hand was forced on this issue. Democrats and Republicans were calling for his head, eager to prove something and looking for someone to make an example out of. This is, after all, election season.

            Wiener may be a lot of things. He may be an asshole. He may have the Brett Favre complex. And he may be a fiend and a hound. But at the end of the day, the biggest question should have been: was he a bad congressman? The answer to that question is undoubtedly no. Weiner’s sexting obsession is a problem, but a personal one that pales in comparison to what other elected officials do on the clock at Capitol Hill. After all, even Clinton got to stay in the White House after he had an intern polish his knob.

            When polled, more than half of Weiner’s district wanted him to stay in office, giving evidence that he could have won his reelection bid next year. The only people who clamored for his removal were other politicians, looking for someone to point fingers at and distract the media. The fact that Eliot Spitzer was calling him out should be enough evidence that this is not worth our time. Weiner is only guilty of being horny. Usually that’s a prerequisite for being a politician.

            Scandal is nothing new in the field of American politics. We as consumers like to have a good political scandal every few years, and the politicians love to see adversaries fall. But Weiner is different. Once he’s gone, the House will have lost the most electrifying and passionate orator that anyone has seen in some time. His only crime was being stupid. 

            Hunter S. Thompson said it best. “In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.”

The Offseason Has Begun

The NBA season has finally come to an end. The Dallas Mavericks won their first franchise championship as the Miami Heat came crumbling apart in Game 6. People rejoiced as LeBron James fell short of his goal again, and looked like a fool in the process. Cleveland is still a long way from title dreams, but at least their nightmares aren’t coming true; LeBron is still empty handed. A fitting ending to a turbulent season.

As for the rest of the league, the off season looks grim and the draft looks even worse. Cleveland is set to take Kyrie Irving, but his is no LeBron James. If anything, he’s another John Wall. There are very few key players coming into free agency this summer, so any spectacular moves would be beyond shocking. Dwight Howard and Chris Paul are staying put for at least one more season.

The Boston Celtics, already depleted in the center position, were given another blow as Nenad Kristic – a solid player who came in the Perkins deal – opted to play in Russia as the league is in lockout. This has raised some chatter over who the Celtics can sign to go along with Jermaine O’Neal. Sacramento’s Samuel Dalembert has been discussed, and I’ve even heard of a sign and trade situation where Glen Davis gets sent to the Clippers for Chris Kaman. However, these possibilities would eventually prove more problematic than helpful for the Celtics. Dalembart is solid, but not solid enough for his price tag. And Davis is far more important to Boston than a reject from the Clippers.

This leaves Boston with fewer options. The only great center who is a free agent this summer is Tyson Chandler from Dallas. I don’t see him leaving the champion Mavericks for a lot less money in Boston however. The Celtics could try and get Greg Oden from the Trail Blazers, but I don’t see the former number one overall pick taking a minimum contract. I also don’t see Portland letting him walk away; they’ve invested too much already. Boston could also try for Kwame Brown, another former number one overall pick. His price tag will be low, and I’m sure he’d relish the chance to play for a contender. The only thing Boston can really do is draft big men and hope they work out well. This might be good news for Troy Murphy, who never really got off the ground in Boston. If he works out and proves he can defend and grab rebounds (and maybe even get his jump shot down again) he could be back for another year. But that’s a big if for Dropkick.

Boston cannot afford to let Davis walk. He wants to be a starter, sure, but after his abysmal performance in the Miami series, it’s obvious he needs more work. And with Garnett likely to retire soon, he is already being groomed to take that place.

The wing position is still weak for Boston. There are talks about retaining Von Wafer for another year, which is not a terrible idea. Wafer had moments on the court where he proved his worth, but overall he wasn’t the spark Boston needed. Eddie House is set to be a free agent this summer, and was a proven provider during his tenure in Boston. He is essentially the same player as Delonte West, but could definitely hold down the point with West at the two-spot.

Unless the Celtics can lure away J. R. Smith or come up with some brilliant scheme to get O. J. Mayo in a trade, they're likely to remain weak the two spot for this coming season. The Grizzlies already tried to move his contract, but the Celtics don’t have enough to offer. Jamal Crawford is unrestricted, but his price tag is very high. This might a position that Boston drafts for and hopes it will pan out.

A couple of veteran players are available, and the Celtics could get them inexpensively. Tracy McGrady used to be a serious threat, and could be useful off the bench to relieve Ray Allen’s minutes. And based on Danny Ainge’s love of gambling, I could see a minimum contract being offered to Allen Iverson in hopes of providing some kind of bench run offense. These are all hypothetical scenarios. The certainty of the Celtics offseason is very murky right now.

LePage's Second Veto: Dollars are Better than People

            The human beach ball that is the governor of Maine, Paul LePage, has issued another veto this month. The bill in question was one that would have prohibited foreign loggers from coming into Maine to work on state owned land that is managed by the Department of Conservation. LePage vetoed the bill by somehow citing equal protection under the Constitution.

            The problem with this veto is that LePage cannot hide his hatred of regulations. He’ll gladly cut all the trees down without creating a single job for Mainers. His veto will allow for Canadian loggers to come in at presumably lower wages than local loggers, while deforesting the entire state. There is no chance of LePage regulating how many Maine trees are cut down by foreign hands and shipped out just as quickly.

            In a time when everyone is struggling, how can a man who is supposed to have our best interests in mind just give jobs away and send the forests to Kingdom Come? It’s easy for a man whose best friends are corporate assholes and money mongers. Eventually we’ll all have to take a long hard look at that dollar grubbing brute up in Augusta and wonder why we did this to ourselves. Good God, where will it end?

Romney's Run, Cantor's Ultimatum and Edwards's Indictment

            Yesterday marked another key moment for the GOP hopefuls for 2012. Mitt Romney, widely considered to be the frontrunner for the GOP, announced that he was running for president. Romney is a more charismatic figure than Pawlenty and a more down to earth politician than Palin or Bachmann. The only thing that could possibly hold Romney back from the nomination would be the health care system he initiated during his time as governor of Massachusetts, which is even more far reaching than Obamacare. Romney is even campaigning against Obama’s healthcare overhaul, so if anyone cares to look a little deeper under Romney’s skin, they’ll find a few discrepancies.

            But that’s not the point. Romney is a far better choice for the nomination than anyone else running. He’s the high water mark of the GOP’s race for the White House. He has the common sense that the rest of the GOP hopefuls lack. But his character assassinations of Obama will come back to bite him. If he keeps pushing, Obama’s going to push back hard. And that will unravel the Romney campaign. The only thing that’s really keeping that ball rolling is the public’s willingness to turn a blind eye towards Romney’s history of chronic flip-flopping.

            Other news of the day: former congressional Minority Whip Eric Cantor, a Republican from Virginia, announced that the United States government has an obligation to help the people of Joplin (and elsewhere) where tornados have ravished their homes. His only stipulation was that the government would have to make cuts elsewhere before sending aid. Cantor essentially continued playing partisan politics while the victims of natural disasters keep suffering.

            Also in the news is John Edwards, the former senator from North Carolina as well as Kerry’s vice presidential candidate in 2004 and was a candidate in his own respect for the 2008 election. Edwards was indicted by a federal grand jury over the massive sums of money he spent to hide his affair with his mistress during his run in 2008. Edwards is a low rent scumbag, a two-timing fiend who cheated on his cancer stricken wife. He deserves what’s coming to him.

            That’s all the news for today. It’s always an interesting day in America, especially with an election looming ahead of us. 

The Big Finish

            After 19 seasons, Shaquille O’Neal has called it quits. One of the most dominant players and endearing personalities to ever play the game, O’Neal leaves behind a place in the league that will doubtfully ever be filled. While never having any one particular place to call home for very long, O’Neal made the best of every situation he was in, and brought a different caliber to the game. While it was undoubtedly time, it is certainly hard to see him go.

            In a prolific career that started in Orlando, Shaq then migrated to Los Angeles where he won three championships, then on to Miami where he won his final ring, stopping off in Phoenix and Cleveland before finally coming to Boston; Shaq seemed to be everywhere at once. He became a gun for hire in a league that seemed to be getting younger and younger for O’Neal. Yet never once did he complain. Shaq was a warrior who endeared it all.

            His stats will tell the story. Shaq is fifth all time on the scoring board (28,596 points) and twelfth in rebounding (3,099 rebounds). He made 15 All-Star appearances during his tenure. He is a three time Finals MVP, and was the league MVP in 2000.

            His time in Boston may best be described as frustrating. Constantly swapping injuries with Jermaine O’Neal, Shaq only appeared in 37 games during the 2010-2011 season, and only appeared three times after February 1. He did not play at all during the Celtics-Knicks series, and logged only 12 minutes during the Miami series, scoring just two points. Yet even though his time with Boston was frustrating, never once was it boring. He posed as a statue in Harvard Square. He dressed in drag on Halloween. He would constantly lend his time around Boston for charity work.

            Shaq’s legacy is etched in stone, and his contributions to every team were more than just for the game. He brought something to a city and its fans that no other player ever could. For the future Hall of Famer and his time in Boston, it was fun while it lasted. The Big Diesel has finally ended his journey, and we all enjoyed the ride.

LePage's First Veto: A Giant Middle Finger to Everyone Around Him

            In a surprising move, Maine governor Paul LePage vetoed a health insurance bill that passed unanimously in the State Legislature. This puts the House Republicans in a precarious position. They will have to choose between either overriding a fellow Republican in LePage or changing their votes on the insurance bill. LePage’s veto came last Thursday, and by House rules the vote for overriding the governor’s veto must come within one week, so they have until tomorrow to make their decision.

            What’s interesting in LePage’s veto is not the fact that he wants to make it more difficult for the private sector to prosper (this bill is designed to prevent insurance companies from giving the best contracts – the “most favored nation” status – to the larger hospitals over smaller practices. This is essentially price fixing the market so that anyone in the private sector will lose). The real issue at hand is that LePage didn’t notify a single person about the veto. It was a total shock to everyone in the Maine State House, especially the Republicans who have now been put on the spot. This will be a test of their loyalty to authority or loyalty to the people.

            Republican Representative and Financial Services Committee Chair Wesley Richardson expressed his frustration with LePage’s veto.

 “It’s a good bill,” he said. “I am shocked the governor vetoed that bill and never notified anybody until it was on the House calendar today.”

If the House and its Republicans choose to override LePage’s veto, they would need at least a two-thirds majority in the House to send the bill to the State Senate where another two-thirds majority would be needed to officially override LePage’s first veto in office. LePage vetoed the bill without listening to private doctors and therapists who wanted to make their case for the bill. If the veto stands, the independent practices will surely find it more difficult to survive in an already trying time; many doctors have already had to close their private practices and work for bigger hospitals, as well as physical and occupational therapists in private practice are losing their jobs. This will undoubtedly put a bigger strain on the bigger hospitals services, and cause cost increases that LePage has clearly not considered. LePage seems more concerned with how he can best help lobbyists and big insurance companies than with jobs in Maine. In the simplest language, Lepage wants to keep the status quo, rather than permit the bipartisanship that occurred in the Maine State Legislature.

Business as usual in Augusta.