The Little Engine That Could: The Last Tango for Herman Cain

Herman Cain may be out for the count. The pizza mogul turned politician told senior staffers at a conference call this morning that he is reassessing his campaign and will decide whether he stays or goes in the next few days. Cain has been plagued by numerous accusations of sexual harassment, womanizing and extramarital affairs in the past few weeks. A woman named Ginger White told Fox 5 Atlanta that Cain ended their 13 year affair shortly before he began his campaign. His numbers have plummeted and his base has seemingly disappeared. How did it all unravel so fast for the little engine that could?

            His was a political rags to riches story that even Horatio Alger would marvel at. A man with no real political background who shot to the forefront of the GOP race seemingly from nowhere. He portrayed a more common man than Romney and a more daring man than Perry. Republican voters could identify with him because, while he wasn’t exactly like them, he wasn’t a politician either. He was some kind of strange middle ground, but it’s obvious now that his luck is just about run out.

            It all started just as soon as it began. At least four women – two who chose to remain anonymous – have come forward with claims of sexual harassment from the candidate. Ginger White is the only person to claim a long lasting affair with Cain. Throughout October he was leading the Republican polls, but towards the end of the month the allegations began to come forward. One he could hide from, two he could settle. But when the third and fourth came, Cain started to sweat around the collar. Ginger White was the proverbial nail in the coffin.

            The really disturbing part about all this is that the support that Cain once had now belongs to the next Republican flavor of the week: Newt Gingrich. The thrice married adulterer Gingrich, a would-be career politician if he hadn’t been voted out so long ago, stands to profit from the sexual misconduct of Herman Cain. If that’s not irony, I don’t know what is.

            Regardless, the Cain Train has run its course right off the tracks. He seldom really knew what he was talking about (see his thoughts on Libya), he worked his hardest at eradicating the middle class and he believed with all his might that he could get away with anything. And while it’s not official yet, Cain is sure to throw in the towel and call it a day.  The little engine that could found out the hard way what happens to people who think they’re invincible: they get crushed and tossed aside like an empty beer can you see lying in a gutter. 

A Debt Deal That Never Was: How No One Cares About Congress Failing Anymore

A deal was in place. Two sides that have been biting and clawing at each other’s necks seemingly since 2008 were acting bipartisan and agreeing. The finish line was in sight. Then, for no particular reason at all, the deal came crashing down and everybody involved just shrugged their shoulders and went back home.

            It was another deficit deal that should have happened but just didn’t. Members of the special Congressional committee on deficit reduction – including at least one Republican siding with the Democrats – had all tentatively agreed on a plan that would cut trillions of dollars from the national debt by means of tax rates (including raising taxes), revenues, spending cuts and changes to Social Security and Medicare. This supercommittee fell short just before the deadline, and decided to throw in the towels and blame somebody else.

            Worst of all, the two sides couldn’t even agree on where the talks went wrong. Democrats say the Republicans backed away from their initial willingness to accept revenue increases in exchange in cuts in the growth of entitlement projects. Republicans, who seemed to be in agreement with the framework of the deal less than a week ago, point their fingers at the Democrats for being wishy washy and never really committed to a plan.

            Maybe we shouldn’t blame Congress for failing to a reach a yet another debt deal. Maybe we need to blame ourselves. For being overly optimistic that anyone in this Congress could agree on anything and for giving them yet another chance. Because time and again every elected official has proven to us that the last thing they deserve is one more chance, but somehow they keep getting it.

            A key aspect of the breakdown was the Jason Voorhees-esque Bush Tax Cuts. They’ve been slated to die for years now, but somehow keep coming back for sequels. They’re slated to expire in 2012, but some 11^th hour deal will most certainly come through for the salvation of the legacy of George W. Bush.

            Democratic Senator Joe Macnhin said of the deal “We cannot accept failure.” But somehow that’s all we’ve been asked to accept for quite some time. I think by now we’re used to the flavor of defeat. Of the negotiation breakdown, John Kerry said “If this weren’t so serious I might laugh.” Honestly, Kerry I’d go ahead and laugh if I were you. By now it couldn’t really hurt. We’ve reached a critical moment in our history, and we stand at a fragile crossroad. Never before have elected officials done more harm to their own country, and never before have the voters cared less.

            It’s tough to place the blame here, but it’s no longer a simple Democrat-Republican divide. Now it’s between the powerful and the powerless. It’s an us against them situation, and it doesn’t look good for us. Because we’ve given away any power we had by being indifferent. We’re headed for a crash, and we really only have ourselves to blame. 

The Rep Who Cried Wolf: Catching Up With Joe Wilson, America's Cleanest Dirtiest Politician

            Turn back the clocks to 2009. Newly christened President Obama is giving his address on healthcare reform to a packed Congress. The President says “There are also those who claim that our reform effort will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false – the reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.” A matter of fact statement that everyone knew was true but that some pundits kept refused to believe. Then a voice rings out like a catfight in the night. “You lie!” The heckler was Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina’s second district, a Republican lovechild who favors arming airline pilots, giving tax credits to living organ donors and federal prohibition of online poker.

            Fast-forward to today. Anthony Weiner has been cast out of the House for sending pictures of his junk to consenting women. Neither of the acts is illegal in the letter of the law, but Weiner became a martyr while Wilson got a slap on the wrist. That’s right, the Representative who showed ignorance and insubordination towards the President of the United States got off scot-free. All he had to do was issue a half-hearted apology towards Obama. “This evening I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the President’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. While I disagree with the President's statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the President for this lack of civility.” Even in his apology he said that Obama was wrong.

            This is not the first controversy that Wilson has been involved with. In 2002 Wilson and Democratic Congressman Bob Filner were discussing Iraq weapons of mass destruction on C-SPAN. When Filner said that the US had supplied Iraq with “chemical and biological” weapons, Wilson said point blank that Filner was wrong, that he had made that up. “This hatred of America by some people is just outrageous. And you need to get over that.” When it turned out Filner was right, Wilson was forced to issue an apology. In 2003 it was revealed that the late Senator Strom Thurmond had a child out of wedlock with his black maid. Wilson adamantly said that girl’s story was not true, and that even if it was true, she should never have revealed it because it was a “smear” campaign and would “diminish” Thurmond’s legacy. When the Thurmond family came forward and said the girl was in fact the Senator’s illegitimate lovechild, Wilson again had to apologize but said he still didn’t believe that she should have come forward with the truth.

            Joe Wilson is not so much a statement of his own perseverance but rather the lack of balls the Democrats continue to show. Weiner was thrown out like a disease ridden dog who growled one too many times. A shit storm rose up and he was caught in the crosshairs. Wilson, on the other hand, got to point his finger square at the President and laugh at his face. And nothing came of it. Time after time, Wilson has been able to stir up controversy and make us forget about it. Where others have fallen, he has remained. He is apparently a lot like the character Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption when he escapes from prison. Joe Wilson, the man who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side. 

The Perry Plan: A Bad Attempt at Hiding Tax Breaks for the Rich

            Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry has finally come forward with his own version of a tax plan: an optional 20% flat tax. Under President Perry, Americans would have the option of choosing this flat tax over their current tax rate. Perry claims that his proposal will not only put Americans back to work, but will balance the federal budget by 2020. But somehow his math just doesn’t add up.

            In addition to the optional tax system, Perry proposes several minor personal tax revisions including abolishing taxes on Social Security (he just couldn’t stay away from it). The Perry plan also calls for lowering corporate income tax to 20%, down from the 28% it currently stands at. His defense is that this rate is well above the global average and that he wants to keep America competitive in hopes that companies will locate their industries here in the United States. This section of the plan also calls for large tax cuts on profits that corporations make overseas in hopes that these same corporations will reinvest in the American economy.

            In order to compensate for the lower corporation taxes, Perry advocates eliminating all tax loopholes that allow companies to get out of tax obligations: namely bailouts. His justification is that these loopholes put the burden on American tax payers and are too complex to fully understand. And while this section of his plan offers no specifics on how he will eliminate these loopholes, Perry’s plan says they will be “phased out over time.”

            It’s easy for Perry to say that he will eliminate these bailouts because it is incredibly doubtful that he’ll ever have to deal with that kind of situation. And as for the rest of his plan, the slash and burn tactic will do much more harm than good in attempting to balance the federal budget. But the worst part is the 20% flat rate, a thinly disguised tax break for the rich. As the rates stand, the wealthier Americans generally pay higher percentage in taxes than most others. But under a flat 20% tax rate, the rich, for the most part, are given a substantial tax break percentage wise. And those Americans who are the worst off financially will be asked to shoulder even more burden by having their taxes raised.

            Perry says he’s trying to balance the scales while having his finger pressed down firmly on one side the whole time. He’s trying disguise himself as a man committed to the people, when in actuality he’s just a hack who has no idea what he’s doing, but is still trying to fuck the middle class for the fun of it.

The End of Donovan McNabb

            Time betrays all athletes. But there is no position more susceptible to the wears and tears of time than quarterback. They spend their professional careers being targeted by 300 pound gorillas who drool at the chance of ending a quarterback’s season. A broken wrist or a severe concussion will do just fine, but the goal is always something more sinister. Ending a quarterback’s season or career is proof that heroes can be broken and that the NFL thrives as a league of villains.

            This season has shown many good quarterbacks being battered and hitting the ground hard. It seems like Jay Cutler spends more time on the ground than on his feet. And defensive linemen seem to be lusting to end Michael Vick’s season, if only to wash away the memory of his previous MVP caliber season. But there is no greater tragedy among quarterbacks this season than the case of Donovan McNabb.

            McNabb is on his third team in three seasons. He was a franchise god in Philadelphia, but he wrote his own obituary there when he pleaded that the ownership make a gamble and bring in the troubled Vick. And while he was never intended to be used as more than a third string ever again, Vick took the reins and has become the prophet that McNabb once was.

            McNabb was traded to Washington last season, and had his troubles. He was benched at key moments and seemed lost in the offense from time to time. The end of the 2010-2011 campaign also marked the end of his time as a Redskin. McNabb then was traded to Minnesota to take over where another tragic quarterback, Brett Favre, was defeated. Now, halfway through the season, McNabb finds himself in an uncomfortably familiar situation: being benched

            We may well have seen the last of Donovan McNabb as an NFL quarterback. The Vikings waited until after the trade deadline to reveal that McNabb was longer the starter, meaning they probably dangled his contract out to teams in need of a quarterback but found no takers. McNabb in his prime was a fine quarterback. Never an MVP, but he racked up some impressive stats and even lead his wayward Eagles to the Super Bowl, only to lose to the New England Patriots.

            Apparently Minnesota is where the careers of veteran quarterbacks looking for one last shot at glory go to die. McNabb has put up some unimpressive numbers this season, but he is not the only one to blame here. He didn’t deserve what he got, but it is proven that the NFL is no place for old men. 

The Godfather: How Herman Cain is Trying to Kill the Middle Class

            As of now, Herman “Deep Dish” Cain is being heralded as the frontrunner in the GOP’s race for the White House. His unlikely rise through a field of more qualified politicians, as well as his defeat over stage IV colon and liver cancer, makes him shine like gold in a room filled with rusted tin cans. In addition to this, Cain has a serious set of cajones in dealing with anyone who tries to bring him down with paltry facts. This is perfectly evidenced during the New Hampshire debate when Bloomberg TV questioner Julianna Goldman brought up a study that found that Cain’s “9-9-9” tax plan wouldn’t keep the country economically stable. Cain’s response?  "The problem with that analysis is that it is incorrect," he said.

            The problem with that diagnosis is that Cain is the one who’s incorrect. His economic plan would, in practice, effectively destroy the middle class and keep the Occupy Wall Street protests going until the end of time.

            The plan itself calls for 9 percent tax on wages, 9 percent tax on businesses and a 9 percent federal sales tax. It’s short, sweet and to the point (Jon Huntsman even ventured the guess that it was based off the price of a pizza). The problem with this plan is that it makes those already burdened with high taxes (the middles class) have to shoulder more, while effectively ending taxes on inheritance and capital gains (otherwise known as taxes on the rich). The flat-tax plan, as Cain calls it, is far from fair. It would “drastically increase taxes on the working poor and middle class, and reduce taxes going forward on the rich,” said USC tax law professor Edward Kleinbard in Tax Notes. Kleinbard goes on to say that 90 percent of taxpayers would find themselves with a “vastly increased tax bill” thanks to the 9-9-9 plan.

            Cain'sbusiness flat-tax actually works out to be an increased payroll tax on workers, and Kleinbard cites that the three 9s working together would be the equivalent of a 27 percent uncapped payroll tax. The only benefactors from Cain’s plan are the already wealthy, the less than one percent of Americans who control more than half of the investment income. With Cain in charge, almost a quarter of a million millionaires would find themselves no longer having to pay federal income tax. You heard me right. No income taxes on the super rich whatsoever.

            Then comes the inheritance tax, or lack thereof. Currently, estate can reach up to 35 percent on estates of $5 million or more. Under President Cain’s plan, this would be reduced to zero. This means that the super rich would pay absolutely nothing in income tax and then get to deliver a tax free inheritance to the beneficiaries. Not a bad deal for less than one percent of Americans.

            Under Cain’s plan there is also no method to raise more revenue. He seems perfectly content to sacrifice 99 percent of the American workforce; just so a few billionaires can keep every penny of their estates and inheritances. It’d be a shame to see those trust funds taxed unfairly, or at all.

            The scary part is that Herman Cain actually is the GOP frontrunner, at least for the time being. He may know how to run a chain of pizzerias, but this guy has no clue how to run a country. 

Sarah Palin, the Ultimate Political Cock Tease: How She and the Rest of the GOP Might Just Assure Obama a Second Term

            And so ends the inevitable truth that we all knew was coming. On Wednesday Sarah Palin officially announced that she was not running for president in 2012. This comes as no great surprise to anyone who had been watching the race; Palin hadn’t done a single thing toward making a run outside of collecting donations and forming an exploratory committee.

            After what she called “much prayer and serious consideration,” Palin said that her “family comes first.” Many thought she would come around and make the run, but Palin must have known all along she wasn’t going to try. She would have had to give up her cozy multi-million dollar deal with Fox News in order to campaign and come back into a public forum and debate an armada of challengers (instead of just Biden).

            Her announcement came almost immediately after New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced that he would not be running for president either. The loss of these two would-be challengers – while not ultimately surprising – continues to leave the GOP field weak for contention. As of now, the GOP’s sideline looks a lot stronger than its starting lineup. Pawlenty, Barbour, Huckabee, Daniels and the other other Bush are among those not running. This list also includes every sitting Republican Senator and the self congratulating young architects of the House Republicans. Even Florida Senator Rick Rubio says he wants nothing to do with a GOP ticket.

            Obama is hurting right now, and if the GOP put in even half an effort they’d stand a good chance to unseat him. They’d even have numbers in the House and be close to having a majority in the Senate again. However, Republicans have fielded their thinnest group in years to try to ascend the White House. We are left wondering why no one in the GOP seems to care about this election. Maybe they’d just rather let Obama win so that he can keep shouldering the blame for the problems that they all helped create. Or maybe we’ve reached the point where even politicians really don’t care about who becomes president.