Spring Cleaning Up in Augusta

Gov. Paul LePage, the gorged laughingstock up in Augusta, has recently taken a bizarre step in his political career. Instead of concentrating on jobs or the state budget, LePage has begun to channel his inner Martha Stewart by delving into interior decorating. He has moved for the immediate removal of a mural in the Department of Labor building. To him, that mural simply threw off the feng shui and had to go.

            A spokeswoman for LePage said that the governor ordered the mural be removed after various business officials voiced criticisms of the mural. The spokeswoman also added that LePage received an anonymous fax saying the mural was like “communist North Korea where they use these murals to brainwash the masses.” That same spokeswoman also mentioned that LePage wants a “décor that represents neutrality.”

            The mural was created in 2007 by Judy Taylor, the winner of a Maine Art Commission competition. It has 11 panels depicting scenes of Maine workers, ranging from lumberjacks, mill strikes, shoemakers and shipyards. LePage claims that the scenes depicted are “one-sided” in favoring unions.

            This is only one of LePage’s spring-cleaning binges. He also wants to rename seven conference rooms in the Department of Labor building. One is named after farm workers’ rights champion César Chávez, another after Rose Schniederman, once leader of the New York Women’s Trade Union League, and another after Frances Perkins, the nation’s first female labor secretary.

            Among the most recent of LePage’s accomplishments are raising the Maine state retirement age for public employees, making Medicaid more expensive and inaccessible to low income families and cutting food stamp benefits.

            LePage has been very successful in his spring cleaning, washing away those pesky benefits and rights that accumulate on the porch over a long winter, and getting rid of that cumbersome mural that was taking up space in the basement where he could easily fit a treadmill or a speed bike. So good for him. Swimsuit season is coming, and he has a few pounds to shed in these dwindling dreary days before he can put on that Speedo and head down to Old Orchard Beach for a much needed vacation.

Shit Paul LePage Says

This will be an ongoing thread. It all depends on how fast LePage can shovel this manure around in the marketplace of ideas.

"If you buy a newspaper in Maine, it's like paying someone to lie to you," (spoken at a rally explaining why the Democrats caused him to reduce state teacher benefits).

"I feel really bad that teachers have to wait until 65 to retire. I have to wait until I'm 67 and a half."

"The State of Maine is the only state in the United States of America that charges sales tax on bull semen. You hear that? Bull semen. The only place in the United States of America - this state."

"Quite frankly, it's a learning tool for kids," (on the subject of creationism).

"I do not make ridiculous commercials or get under people's skin."

When asked by WCSH-TV what he would do if protesters chained themselves to the mural in Augusta that he is removing:
"I'd laugh at them, the idiots. That's what I'd do. Come on! Get over yourselves!"

The Case for LeBron James

Not too long ago, LeBron James broke the hearts of everyone within a 1000 mile radius of Cleveland and basically told the rest of the sports world that the smell of rings was more important than being a beloved hometown hero. He ditched a team of has beens and never weres for a group of super friends (with even more has beens and never weres) in a warmer climate with no income tax. At the surface, James is nothing more than an egotistical maniac who thinks hardware is more important than a legacy. But if you dig deeper than that, if you crawl through the fields of bullshit that is LeBronomania, you’ll find the true nature of James: that regardless of what he does when the ball’s not in his hands, he is one of the greatest players to ever play the game. And as much as it hurts to say this, he deserves to be MVP for the third year in a row.

            When he wore the number 23 Cavaliers’ jersey, James was adored by fans all over the world. He was cursed to be the prophet-kid from Akron, and he was overly ambitious about promising the city of Cleveland a ring. But regardless, he made a cast of nobodies and barely somebodies into a team that had the league-best record for years, and was always the powerhouse of the East. He gave that city seven great seasons and came close to winning that elusive prize for the trophy starved city. But when the time came to rebuild, he hung up his rock and roll shoes and flew the coup, headed south and bailed for warmer waters. In one televised hour he went from prophet to pariah, from savior to scumbag.

            He cut all ties from Cleveland. His number changed and so did his attitude. But the key factor in determining whether or not James deserves to be MVP is how his talents (regardless of where they he took them) were put to use. And to just watch him and the Miami Heat get rolling is nothing short of a work of nature. He plays with a skill level unparalleled in the NBA, a 6-foot-8 mass of sheer God-given talent that even the greats have to wonder if he’s part Olympian. Many questioned his level competitiveness when he left for Miami, but to see him play we can see he still has something left.

            The thing to look at in figuring the MVP is to look at how two franchises were completely reshaped in the wake of Decision 2010. Cleveland went from the league leader to the bottom rung of the ladder. The Cavs set a record for most losses in a row, and became not only the worst team in the league, but also arguably the worst team in NBA history. The Heat, meanwhile, were prophesized to break the Bulls’ record of 72 wins in one season and to take home as many as seven rings. While the Heat came up short on those promises, they’re feared and hated by all, and have the weapons at their disposal to make mincemeat out of just about anybody in the league.

            You heard about the sacrifice made by the Three Kings of South Beach in their pursuit of the rings, but the only real sacrifice came from LeBron. Chris Bosh was never going anywhere and was overhyped in free agency. People like Kevin Garnett, Dwight Howard and Amar’e Stoudemire make Bosh look like a flustered cocker spaniel in a Michael Vick dog fight. He gets pushed around by the tough guys, and he just rolls over and takes it. But he was the go to man in Toronto, and came to Miami thinking he could ride the coattails of the Other Two all the way to the finals. The only things Bosh gave up were a paycheck and the false rumor that he would be the third of a Big Three.

            Dwyane Wade didn’t give up a thing. He got to stay home and keep his team.

            So the only real loser in 2010 was LeBron. He gave up being loved and respected. He gave up a home. He gave up a reputation. All for the hope that maybe the new guys could help him where others had failed. LeBron gave up everything in an all-or-bust strategy.

            James will never be forgiven for what he did, but at the same time he should not be penalized for it forever. He still deserves to be MVP even if he ruined the hopes of a fading city. He takes teams that otherwise wouldn’t go anywhere and brings them farther than they could dream. The last time Wade made it to the Finals was with the help of Shaq, and Bosh probably never even dreamed about making it to the Conference Semi-Finals. LeBron has always been on the cursed team that coulda-shoulda-woulda won the Finals, if they had had a few more pieces to the LeBron James puzzle. Maybe eventually the Heat will be able to figure out how Wade and Bosh fit into that puzzle. Until then, LeBron is on his own and the Heat will falter and fail. Like every team James is on. That’s the cross he bears. He’s debatably one of the top three players ever to play professional basketball. But he also is doomed to fall short of the mark every time.

            That alone should get him MVP.

The Crying Shame of Kansas

            A few days ago, the Supreme Court ruled that the actions taken by the Westboro Baptist Church should and would be protected by the First Amendment. The ruling was an 8-1 decision, with the lone dissenter being Justice Alito.

            "Speech is powerful. It can stir people to action, move them to tears of both joy and sorrow, and -- as it did here -- inflict great pain. On the facts before us, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker," Chief Justice John Roberts wrote for the majority.

            The problem with this ruling is that the actions taken by the Phelps family (basically the only members of the WBC), while it’s technically speech, do not add to the marketplace of ideas. Instead, Fred Phelps and the rest of his degenerate, backwoods clan are simply camera hungry, narcissistic bigots. They will do anything to get on camera and get the attention of the American media. And not only are they winning, but thanks to the Supreme Court, they now have free reign to continue their backwards and vile “rights.”

            The case was brought by a man named Albert Snyder, the father of Matthew Snyder who gave his life for his country. Phelps and his offspring picketed outside the funeral with signs like “God Hates Fags,” “God Hates Israel” and “Thank God for 9/11.” Snyder claimed that Phelps had created extreme emotional distress. Initially, the courts ruled with Snyder, awarding him monetary reparations. But, as we’ve seen, the First Amendment must be protected at all costs, even for thugs like Fred Phelps.

            Should the group that believes Obama has formed an unholy union with Satan, that Catholic priests are pedophile vampires, that India is a country of “fags and fag enablers,” that “Jews are the real Nazis,” and that “Mohammed was a demon-possessed whoremonger and pedophile who contrived a 300-page work of Satanic fiction” get First Amendment protection? Regardless of what most of us think, they will have it as of March 2, 2011.

            The problem I have with the WBC is that their messages are painfully unclear. If they had even the faintest trace of a message, I could understand the Supreme Court not wanting to censor them (see Brandenburg v. Ohio and Beauharnais v. Illinois). But the Phelps family has no message other than “We’ll say whatever it takes to get on TV.” And that should not be allowed to continue.

            What’s worse is they’ve done their homework. They know how far away they’re supposed to stand from the funerals. Fred Phelps sent a few of his kids through law school so he could stop paying lawyers and keep it in the family. So it should be unbearably clear that the speech isn’t what matters to them; if it was, they wouldn’t be so studious of the laws. Instead, the attention is the most important thing to the WBC. They know what they can do to get attention and not get arrested.

            The clearest test to see whether or not the WBC floats is this: what do they propose as a solution? Yes, they say “God Hates Fags,” and rejoice that the foot soldiers of a homosexual sympathizing country are dying in distant lands. But what do they believe to be the answer to this problem? Do they expect the government to round up everyone who has ever had a homosexual experience and put them in internment camps?

            But here’s the kicker. If they were this outraged by American tolerance of homosexuality, why don’t they leave? Why not pack up and head out? I’m pretty sure there are places in the world that hold similar “views” as this church. If they were true to their word, the WBC would probably enjoy Uganda.

            But the truth is that the WBC has no true message, outside of being adjacent to attention starved hound dogs looking for scrapes from the dinner table. Whether or not they actually believe the Grade A horseshit that they perpetuate is irrelevant. All that Fred Phelps and company really want is more time on the television.

            The WBC is nothing shy of a backwoods hate group that dislikes anyone who is different than the immediate majority. Their leader, Fred Phelps, is a lunatic. He is a senile old man who rejected any sense of decency when he was removed from the Kansas Bar in 1977. But more importantly, he is a delusional old fiend who delights in tearing away the last shreds of human decency just so he can be on TV. Even more simplified, Fred Phelps is a monster.

            There is no logical reason why Phelps and the WBC should be allowed to protest funerals, regardless if they are military funerals or not, saying that God killed the departed to get back at America for not taking care of the gay problem. There is no defendable rationale that should allow these trolls to make the worst day of someone’s life even more miserable. If nothing else, the right to privacy should protect these families from the hate and evil that brews in the minds and spews out of the mouths of these assholes.

            Fred Phelps and his lowly, moral-less, propaganda spreading and fear-mongering thugs don’t belong in this country. We are a nation based on progressiveness, understanding, and a desire to move past differences. The Phelps family represents everything we know to be wrong, but lack the fortitude or integrity to stop. The Supreme Court obviously didn’t have the balls to tell these hillbillies to fuck off, but we need to. We need to let these monsters know that we know what they’re up to, and that it won’t work. But most importantly, the media needs to tell these assholes to crawl back under the rock they came from, and think long and hard before slithering back out into the light of day.

            They are not Christians wronged by a vile world that refuses to understand. They are a group of degenerate, attention starved lackeys for a wicked, hateful old man who believes he needs to be famous and relevant. And what’s worse, is that we’re obliging him. 

What's the Matter with Madison?

            Wisconsin governor and Tea Party darling Scott Walker is out to kill the unions. He believes that by eliminating or weakening the power of collective bargaining (the ability for unions to negotiate working conditions, among other things, with employers) he can save his state $30 million. What he neglects to talk about is that the tax breaks he gave to the wealthiest citizens in his state are what lead to the Wisconsin financial crisis. Simply put, Scott Walker dug the hole he is now trying to bury the unions in.

             Walker will try to pass off the unions as the problem. He says that deficit demands this sacrifice. However, the unions have agreed to take budget cuts, recognizing that the deficit affects everyone. They would agree to the financial concessions of the state legislature’s bill, but that wasn’t enough for Walker. He wants the unions gone for good, their collective bargaining ability destroyed. Even President Obama has called this “an assault on unions.”

            So how can the unions win the battle for Madison? They’re definitely on the right track.

            They’ve done what few Americans would dream of doing or dare to try. They’ve assembled themselves and are standing up for a cause. They’re willing to bring their lives to a screeching halt, no matter what the consequences may be. They’re willing to take a chance and tell the chief executive of Wisconsin that he’s not a dictator, and that he too can be held accountable for his mistakes.

            The fourteen Democrats in the state senate have fled the state, hoping to prolong the vote on Walker’s bill. This may be inherently undemocratic, but the extreme measure can be understood. They, too, want to prove to the governor that he is not above the law. The message even traveled party lines, as one lone Wisconsin Republican state senator, Dale Schultz, said he would not vote in favor of the bill.

            If not for the recent riots in Tunisia, Egypt, and Libya, these domestic protests most likely wouldn’t be happening. People in Madison would have been upset, and maybe voiced their grievances in small public forums. But they would never have taken to the streets and disrupted daily life to this degree had it not been for the cries for democracy from people on the other side of the world.

            Protests have progressed to the larger cities of Wisconsin, such as Milwaukie and Green Bay. Columbus, Ohio has seen the public reaction over similar legislation rivaling that of Madison.  Fellow Republicans, such as Newt Gingrich and Anna Carlson, have criticized Governor Walker’s actions. The Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, a non-profit organization that promotes government accountability and who create an annual report of “the most corrupt politicians,” have said Walker has violated Wisconsin law.

            There will always be people who favor unions and those who oppose them. But the personal opinions over unions do not come into play here. In Wisconsin, the only thing that matters is that Walker should not be allowed to have free reign in his state. He may be an elected official, but he is not the supreme leader. He is a man who made ignorant mistakes and wants the unions to pay. But he must have gotten the surprise of his life when he saw all those angry protestors outside the State House, all saying the same message:

            We do not belong to you.